By Tara Isaacs
Imagine starting as a new principal, diving headfirst into your role with the enthusiasm of a marathon runner at the starting line. That was me—arriving early, staying late, and working weekends. My hobby? Work. Despite my district director’s advice about balance, relentless dedication was key. I thought my staff would naturally see the heart behind my efforts and my driving purpose. Spoiler alert: They did not.
Toward the end of my first year, we conducted a staff survey for feedback. I was confident my team would appreciate my hard work, passion for continuous improvement, and intentions. While some feedback was positive, recurring themes struck a nerve: Apparently, I was eroding trust with high expectations and demands. My staff questioned whether I trusted them as I pushed the school forward. I spent the weekend in tears, reflecting on these insights. From my perspective, I was all in. I entered education driven by a deep urgency to meet the needs of this generation of students. I was determined not to be outworked. But my internal drive and outward passion were inadvertently burning out my staff, and there was a disconnect between how I saw myself and how my colleagues saw me.
The Self-Perception Gap
Self-perception is how we see ourselves—our strengths, weaknesses, and capabilities, shaped by our experiences, and internal dialogue. Colleague perceptions are based on how others observe our behavior and performance. This external view can differ starkly from our own and offers valuable insights.
The Importance of Understanding These Differences
By comparing our self-view with others’ perceptions, we can better understand our impact. This awareness can reveal areas where we might be overestimating or underestimating ourselves. Recognizing the perception gap can refine our communication skills and lead to more effective interactions. Feedback from colleagues can highlight blind spots, offering a chance to address and improve them. Embracing differences in perception opens us to constructive feedback, leading to better performance, stronger relationships, and career advancement. Understanding how others perceive us enhances our empathy and emotional intelligence, fostering more meaningful connections.
Embracing Feedback as a Growth Opportunity
To make the most of feedback, here are some steps for consideration that might be of assistance with your growth:
- Seek feedback regularly and actively seek feedback from colleagues, supervisors, and mentors.
- Take time to reflect on feedback and identify patterns and themes.
- Be open to change and use feedback as a catalyst for improvement.
- Practice empathy and work to understand colleagues’ perspectives to fully appreciate the context of their feedback.
- Develop a growth mindset and approach feedback as an opportunity for learning and development.
As a principal then (and to this day), I chose to listen to the feedback and focus on what I could control in my personal and professional growth. Sometimes our feathers can be ruffled with the directness of others’ comments. Let us just call those feelings out (acknowledging they are painful). However, also listen to the truth tellers in your life. A close friend/colleague once asked me in response to my righteous indignation, “What part of the feedback is not true, Tara?” Her question jarred me initially but got to the root of my discomfort. I knew I needed either a new lens or a moment to refocus to help me get to the work I needed to do on myself.
After I owned the feedback, I ended up assigning some tasks I was not quite clear on how to address to staff committees and addressed others with the entire school during a faculty meeting, humbling myself to show that I heard them and would continue seeking new ways to move forward without eroding trust. With this approach and others, we continued to work on building trust and transformed our school program from one of the lowest in the state to one of the highest performing . . . and, of course, I continued to grow as a leader (and I’m still growing).
Constructive feedback, when given and received well, can assist with achieving great things in a person’s life and advance a group’s collective work. The difference between good and great perception feedback often lies in how feedback is handled and acted upon. While the process can be painful in both giving and receiving, the rewards are substantial when applied with the right frame of reference and attitude.
In closing, I leave you with one of my favorite stories about perspective, growth, and change. I call it The Lobster story and you can watch it here. Notice the lobster’s process of change and moments of discomfort and vulnerability as you begin to assess yourself and apply feedback from others. Remember that how you view yourself or how your intentions are intended may not necessarily be perceived or always align with how others perceive you.
What will you do with your next round of constructive feedback? I’m taking the lobster.
Additional Resources
In addition to drawing from my own experiences when writing this post, I also reviewed and incorporated insights from these books, which I recommend as further reading to anyone interested in getting better about giving and receiving feedback.
- Fisher, R., Ury, W., & Patton, B. (1991). Getting to yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in. Penguin Books.
- Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books.
- Stone, D., & Heen, S. (2014). Thanks for the feedback: The science and art of receiving feedback well. Penguin Books.
Dr. Tara Isaacs is a life-long learner and practitioner who currently serves as the Executive Director of Learning Services at McREL International.
